Friday, August 17, 2007

A Poetry Dot Com Rejection Letter

Hooray! This has to be one of the happiest days of my life: a rejection letter from Poetry dot com!!! I thought I'd share my rejection with the world (although I could have sworn that when I submitted "Squidoo, A Love Poem" a year ago, they wanted it oh-so-bad for one of their cheesy anthologies. No bites from this quarter, however). Anyway, for your reading amusement, I have reprinted their slurpy e-mail below:
______________________

Dear Jennifer,

Thank you for your submission to the International Open Amateur Poetry Competition. Unfortunately, after careful review of your contest entry, I am sorry to inform you that your poem "Squidoo, a love poem" was not chosen for publication and is no longer eligible for contest prizes
[Boo, Hoo!]. We understand that poetry is a form of artistic expression and that it is not always understood by those who read it. Therefore, we are asking you to send us another example of your writing [I have deleted the link]. All you have to do is click on the button below [deleted] and follow the instructions.

Here are a few tips our editors give when reviewing poetry [Oh, yeah, poetry tips from the biggest foet organization around]:

--Establish a specific writing style (i.e. rhymed verse, blank verse, etc.)

--Establish a meter and follow it consistently throughout the poem(i.e. iambic pentameter)


--Use poetic elements (i.e. metaphor, simile, alliteration, assonance, consonance, etc.)


--Avoid using clich├ęs

--Be original

Jennifer, by submitting another poem you will continue to compete with other amateur poets like yourself. You will also be eligible to win one of the many cash or gift prizes available every year to talented writers. During the last twenty years, the International Library of Poetry and its affiliated companies have awarded over two million dollars to poets from all over the world. Our philosophy has always been that poetry is a form of expression that is shared and enjoyed by many people of all skill levels. We believe that poetry should be part of our daily lives and shared by everyone, and so we hope you decide to share another piece of your writing with us soon. [When Hell freezes over.]

Good Luck,

Howard Ely

Managing Editor

______________

Well, Howie, my good friend, I think I shall take a pass; I no longer teach creative writing, so I don't have to prove that poetry dot com ought to be renamed www.poetry.scam to newbie writing students.

I rather like the "rejected" poem; it appears on my Wergle Flomp Squidoo Lens.

Maybe I'll submit it to The New Yorker.

Bugzy

4 comments:

jaffray geddes said...

hi hey hey you surely must know that Howard Ely does not exist!
And much of this rich-quick con merchants deal in amplified shit.
sure they give out prizes but no doubt
half of the recipients are also
pieces of fiction! i have penned a few lines of poetry to these
pretenders myself, merely to perfect my writing

Don't waste words on effluent!!

Bugzita said...

The entire organization is a shell game; unfortunately, Poetry.scam bilks millions from unsuspecting poets, mostly the young and naive.

This is why I continue writing posts about them ;=)

iwiLetter said...

www.iwiLetter.com - we’re currently running a Rejection Letter writing contest, the winner receives an 80GB iPod. We are wrapping up the contest in the next month, so hurry and enter! http://www.iwiLetter.com/Rejection.html

John "Jesus Crisis" Burroughs said...

Wow... they actually rejected a poem! Going to read it now....