Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Spam vs. Spam: Yours in Christ

Abidjan Cote d' Ivoire

West Africa

Dearest in Christ

I am Mrs D. [all names deleted] from Senegal. I was married to Mr. D. who worked with senegalaise company in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2002. We were married for eleven years without a child.

He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.

Before his death we were both born again Christian.

Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against.

When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $15.5Million in a Bank, this money is still in the Bank Presently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next Eight months due to Heart problem.

Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein.

I want a church or a God fearing individual that will use this fund for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavour that the house of God is maintained.

The Bible made us to understand that "Blessed is the hand that giveth".

I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not a Christians and they are heartless.

And I don't want my husband's efforts to be used by unbelievers and wicked beings.

I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way.

This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going.

I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord ...Exodus 14 VS 14 says that "the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace".

I don't need any telephone communication in this regards because of my health hence the presence of my husband's relatives around me always is suspicious.

My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian.

Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life.

I have sent letter to the Bank Director,Instructed them to transfer the said fund to you for the mentioned purposes.

Contact the bank director Immediately and Identify yourself, Because I have already informed him that the said fund will be transfer to your account through my letter to him.

Any delay in your contacting the bank director give me room in sourcing another church or person for this same purpose.

Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply.

Remain blessed in the Lord.

Yours in Christ,

Mrs. D.

Please kindly reach me through the following addres: [deleted]


My response (I have always wanted to do this!):

My Dear Mrs. D., Lover of Christ and all things Christian,

For the life of me, I cannot conjure up one church in America that would have an overflow of orphanages and widows in their congregations that would be able to put your fortune to Godly use; however, I absolutely understand why you would email a complete stranger to assist you.

If you cannot trust a stranger, who can you trust?

I am in the process of setting up a secret bank account in the Cayman Islands; in fact, it is so secret that even my relatives have no idea as to its existence. Like you, I am surrounded by nosy relatives who would conspire to steal my own growing inherited fortune. Therefore, I must also take precautions.

I, too, am terminally ill, for I am ultimately destined to ride that Speeding Train to Glory...

Given that I currently appear to be in robust health, I assure you that any monies remitted to me will be put to good use; you can lift up your spirit into the arms of The Good Shepherd, reassured that your late husband's fortune has been entrusted to a grateful earthly caretaker.

Remember, as the Good Book says in R1p0ff $4:@7... "It is better to give to Godly strangers than to bestow great wealth onto sleazy, opportunistic, and thieving relatives."


All I need from your Bank Director is your bank account number, along with a valid routing number. Let us not worry about my remitting my bank information directly to your Bank Director; after all, time is of the essence! No time for such unGodly delays!

In R1p0ff6 $15:5M, The Good Book offers this edict: "Thou Shalt Cut to the Chase! AAAYY-man!"

Once you have disposed of that onerous fortune in good order, you shall be able to catch that Holy Train to Heaven! Enjoy your peaceful and serene journey! God Speed!

Therefore, I beg your pardon for my sense of urgency: your Esteemed Director should remit such account information post haste to the official email address of this blog, which you already know given that you were kind enough to email me here.

On second thought, there is one other possible recipient: The Holy Church of the Taj Mahal, located in Atlantic City, New Jersey. Many desperate people (mostly housewives and elderly people, some of them most assuredly widows and orphans) find succor there. A part of your vast fortune would find a good home in the Church's coffers and would most certainly propagate the Name of God and to endeavour that the house of God is maintained, along with His one-armed statues and icons, maintained vigorously for His flock.

Of course, I shall be happy to act as Agent for this worthy cause.

I assure you that I will act accordingly as you Stated herein, with a few minor tweaks as specified above. Hoping to receive your account information soon.

You, too, remain blessed in the Lord as you contemplate your imminent Ride to Glory.

Yours in Christ,

Mrs. Bugzi

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