Internet Lotteries: The Luckiest Addy on Earth


I must be the luckiest girl in the world; in the past few months, this email addy has won sooooooooo many internet lotteries.

All I have to do is follow these steps.


1). Full Names:..................

2). Residential Address: ........

3). Occupation:..................

4). Sex:.........................

5). Phone/Fax Numbers:...........

6). Country of Resident:.........

7). Nationality: ................

8). Reference Number:............

9). Serial Number:...............

10). Amount Won:.................

11). Email Address:..............

12). A scan or Fax Copy of any Valid Proof of your Identification like International Passport or Driver's License:................


Yeah, I'll get right on that.

UPDATE:

Just discovered this disclaimer:

This email is confidential and contain privileged or copyright information. You must not present this message to another party. If you are not the intended recipient you must not copy, distribute or use this email or the information contained in it for any purpose other than to notify us.

So sue me.

Spam vs. Spam: Yours in Christ

Abidjan Cote d' Ivoire

West Africa

Dearest in Christ

I am Mrs D. [all names deleted] from Senegal. I was married to Mr. D. who worked with senegalaise company in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2002. We were married for eleven years without a child.

He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.

Before his death we were both born again Christian.

Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against.

When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $15.5Million in a Bank, this money is still in the Bank Presently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next Eight months due to Heart problem.

Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein.

I want a church or a God fearing individual that will use this fund for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavour that the house of God is maintained.

The Bible made us to understand that "Blessed is the hand that giveth".

I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not a Christians and they are heartless.

And I don't want my husband's efforts to be used by unbelievers and wicked beings.

I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way.

This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going.

I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord ...Exodus 14 VS 14 says that "the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace".

I don't need any telephone communication in this regards because of my health hence the presence of my husband's relatives around me always is suspicious.

My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian.

Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life.

I have sent letter to the Bank Director,Instructed them to transfer the said fund to you for the mentioned purposes.

Contact the bank director Immediately and Identify yourself, Because I have already informed him that the said fund will be transfer to your account through my letter to him.

Any delay in your contacting the bank director give me room in sourcing another church or person for this same purpose.

Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply.

Remain blessed in the Lord.

Yours in Christ,

Mrs. D.

Please kindly reach me through the following addres: [deleted]



____________________________________

My response (I have always wanted to do this!):

My Dear Mrs. D., Lover of Christ and all things Christian,

For the life of me, I cannot conjure up one church in America that would have an overflow of orphanages and widows in their congregations that would be able to put your fortune to Godly use; however, I absolutely understand why you would email a complete stranger to assist you.

If you cannot trust a stranger, who can you trust?

I am in the process of setting up a secret bank account in the Cayman Islands; in fact, it is so secret that even my relatives have no idea as to its existence. Like you, I am surrounded by nosy relatives who would conspire to steal my own growing inherited fortune. Therefore, I must also take precautions.

I, too, am terminally ill, for I am ultimately destined to ride that Speeding Train to Glory...

Given that I currently appear to be in robust health, I assure you that any monies remitted to me will be put to good use; you can lift up your spirit into the arms of The Good Shepherd, reassured that your late husband's fortune has been entrusted to a grateful earthly caretaker.

Remember, as the Good Book says in R1p0ff $4:@7... "It is better to give to Godly strangers than to bestow great wealth onto sleazy, opportunistic, and thieving relatives."

;=)

All I need from your Bank Director is your bank account number, along with a valid routing number. Let us not worry about my remitting my bank information directly to your Bank Director; after all, time is of the essence! No time for such unGodly delays!

In R1p0ff6 $15:5M, The Good Book offers this edict: "Thou Shalt Cut to the Chase! AAAYY-man!"

Once you have disposed of that onerous fortune in good order, you shall be able to catch that Holy Train to Heaven! Enjoy your peaceful and serene journey! God Speed!

Therefore, I beg your pardon for my sense of urgency: your Esteemed Director should remit such account information post haste to the official email address of this blog, which you already know given that you were kind enough to email me here.

On second thought, there is one other possible recipient: The Holy Church of the Taj Mahal, located in Atlantic City, New Jersey. Many desperate people (mostly housewives and elderly people, some of them most assuredly widows and orphans) find succor there. A part of your vast fortune would find a good home in the Church's coffers and would most certainly propagate the Name of God and to endeavour that the house of God is maintained, along with His one-armed statues and icons, maintained vigorously for His flock.

Of course, I shall be happy to act as Agent for this worthy cause.

I assure you that I will act accordingly as you Stated herein, with a few minor tweaks as specified above. Hoping to receive your account information soon.

You, too, remain blessed in the Lord as you contemplate your imminent Ride to Glory.

Yours in Christ,

Mrs. Bugzi

Spam Lit Poem: Male Aggregate Enhancement



Chap,

I

found

very amazing

thing and admire

to inform you about it.

Before I started to

use this thing

my male

aggregate was

too small so small

that I feel shy to speak

about the size.

But now my life has

changed. I increased my

instrument size, women like me

too mush that now I am

glad. P.S Today I can come

7 times for the night. Do you

fell the difference?


______________________________________________

(Thanks to Nomi, who receives spectacular spam)

Jennifur: An Internet Baby



"Creating Baby Names, One Domain at a Time."


--From Jennifur.com


Question: What's the difference between a $xx,xxx domain and a $x domain?

Answer: one letter "e" morphed into "u."

Domaining is a crazy business that I still stumble around in, but one thing I have learned: one letter in a domain name can make a huge difference in its monetary value.

It's no secret: I would love to own Jennifer.com, but unless I come into a large windfall and a willing seller, that will never happen. Moreover, the .dot-tv people are holding Jennifer.tv ransom for $500.00 a year. I would be willing to pay a one-time fee of $500.00, but I can't see paying that much yearly for what is basically a vanity domain.

Thanks to my parents, I'm fortunate in that I have a great first name that I love. Unfortunately, during the early 1970s, millions of parents also named their daughters "Jennifer," resulting in an annoying glut of rugrat Jennifers who eventually grew up and are now in their mid to late 30's and making their mark in the world.

And then there's Jennifer Lopez, Aniston, Garner, Love-Hewitt, etc., so the Jennifer domains, in all Top Level Domains (.com, .net, .org, etc.), are highly prized and priced.

So, as they say, "Get over it."

Back in August, I stumbled upon this article; some domain-savvy parents are selecting names based solely on domain availability. Being somewhat new at this domain game, I thought it was an amazing concept, for when I was growing up, parents wanted to name their children after parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc. and/or a name that they liked.

But in an odd sort of way, wanting to give one's unborn child a solid web presence is a form of legacy and an act of love--we all want the best for our children, and the gift of a personalized domain is especially important these days and will probably be extremely important in the next 20-30 years and beyond.

Basically, if you don't have a web presence, you don't exist.

One hundred years from now, domain names may be passed down from one generation to the next, so JohnQDoe.com might be willed from father to son or grandfather to grandson. More young women with personalized domains might decide to hang onto their birth names after they marry, and, perhaps, even pass their birth names (and domains) to their daughters and granddaughters.

It's definitely a brave new world.

So what's all this got to do with Post Foetry? Not a whole lot, except this: For the past few weeks, I have been kicking around the idea of writing an internet story or novella about a child who has been named "Jennifur" because this first-name dot-com domain was available.

I have already written Chapter 1; if you wish, you can see for yourself at Jennifur.com.

So now you know the full answer to the question posed at the beginning of this post:

Jennifer.com = $xx,xxx

Jennifur.com = $x

But perhaps my minor creative endeavors will help to build some traffic for Jennifur.com.

In any case, it will be a fun and interesting experiment in domain-building and writing rough-draft creative work directly on the web.

MFA Program: University of Iowa Writers' Workshop--Love Fest or Smackdown?



From time to time, we are going to shine the light on MFA programs, and open up a thread for opinions about the program; for example, does the hype offered in promotional materials match the reality?

This post, we are placing the University of Iowa's Writers' Workshop under scrutiny. We are particularly interested in comments--the good, the bad, and the ugly--by current and former students of this program. What do you like about the program? Dislike? Who were your favorite professors? Least favorite? Give us the real skinny! Serve some tantalizing dish! Or sing the program's praises!

Also, we would like to hear from writers who applied to the program and were rejected; how was your rejection delivered? Personal letter? Form letter? Snark? (If you still have your rejection letter, feel free to email a copy [scanned as a jpeg file], and with your permission, we'll post it without your identifying information.)

Feel free to post your general opinions in this thread OR email me.

We will delete comments that may be unsubstantiated and libelous (such as accusing someone of sexual harassment, etc., and naming that person by name), but opinions are opinions and will not be deleted.

Love Fest or Smackdown? You decide.

New Letters Writing Awards Guidelines: Mixed Review

The announcement for this year's New Letters contest arrived in my mailbox today. I haven't entered a fee-based writing contest in years, so I'm surprised that I continue receiving these mailings.

Still, I took a look at the journal's online guidelines and discovered that, for the most part, they are friendly toward writers.

Thumbs up:

--"Current students and employees of the University of Missouri-Kansas City, and current volunteer members of the New Letters and BkMk Press staffs, are not eligible."

--An entrant receives something in return for his/her fee: "Entry fee [$15.00] includes the cost of a one-year subscription, renewal, or gift subscription to New Letters, shipped to any address within the United States. (Subscriptions mailed outside the U.S. require a $12 postal surcharge [This is a fair charge, given the expensive nature of sending magazines overseas])."

--Simultaneous submissions allowed--fantastic!

--One entry: up to six poems may be submitted--very generous.

--One fiction/prose entry: up to 8,000 words--again, very generous.

--The guidelines are clear on submission expectations and deadlines.

--The First Prize is generous.

Thumbs down:

--Not naming the final judge in advance. I don't buy into the argument that judges will be "harassed" by toadying writers. There is an email delete button for a reason. What happens if the entrant knows the judge and the judge recognizes the entrant's submission (blind or no blind)? In that case, would the entrant's submission be disqualified? If so, would the entrant receive a refund of fees (minus the subscription fee)? In this case, it seems unfair to not offer a refund, given that the entrant has no idea who's doing the final judging. Also, such secrecy almost guarantees that such information will leak out anyway and/or rumors would circulate.

--"Friends of the screeners/judge ineligible" not specified (related to the non-transparency of the above "thumbs down").

--Not clear if there is Second or Third Prize: "Judges have the option to select work for second runner-up and honorable mentions" is a bit nebulous.

--No statement regarding what would occur if a First Prize isn't awarded at all. If this happens, would entrants receive a refund?

___________________


We have posted some Ideal Guidelines for both entrants and contest administrators to consider.

By posting a "thumbs down" section for a contest, we are not addressing the issue of honesty or dishonesty; we are simply noting that some red flags exist and that entrants should email the administrator of the contest for further questions.

If you are comfortable with the contest guidelines, by all means enter.

What is your past experience with this contest? Feel free to post your comments in this thread.

Best,

Jennifer

UNINTENTIONAL WORDS OF WISDOM: via Spam Hawking Hoodia



I found these pearls of wisdom in my spam box today, and decided to "create" a found poem (with apologies to Murray Alexandre Gaines, whoever you are):

HAWKING HOODIA
VIA THE INTERNET

There are no large campuses
with

libraries, laboratories, spires,

cloisters and gargoyles, just

convenient teaching

locations in shopping

centres or office

blocks, along

with online

courses.

It's JUST War!

On the blog It's JUST War! I have posted the names of soldiers who have died in Iraq and Afghanistan. The link will take you to a master index because the names were too many to post as one long file.

This list is up-to-date as of January 21, 2008. I plan to update once a month.

This is a list I wish I didn't need to post; it was a chilling project for me. I look forward to the day when I don't need to update this sad roll call.

I have also posted a February 26, 2003, speech by our president, rationalizing why we needed to invade Iraq.

Best,

Jennifer

Friends, Publishing, and Writer! Writer!

.
Years ago, I founded (along with others) and edited a small literary magazine; suddenly, I had a lot of friends, that is, until I started rejecting some of their work--many friends drifted away, some of them in a huff.
.
Space was limited, and costs were high, so I had to pass on some very good work, some of it by friends. Of course, online mags don't have this problem, but in the print days, getting 1,000 copies printed cost over $3,000.00, so we weren't publishing fat volumes. And I wanted to select the best of the best. We published a few "names," writers who later became what I consider mid-list names, and unknowns.
.
We didn't go into the publishing business to fail, but fail we did: we lasted three issues. The cost was just too high, the workload onerous, the profit non-existent, and the hassle of of trying to explain to once-friends why we rejected their work and published another friend's or a stranger's work instead too wearing.
.
I made the commitment to publish what I thought was the best work, not to create a publishing platform for my friends. However, friends sometimes have other ideas.
.
But I can tell you this with 100% certainty: friends of the editor do have an advantage over strangers. Because a person is your friend, you are likely to take another look at his or her work or even pass it on to a second reader, even if you are fairly certain that you want to reject it.
.
Also, sometimes we may like a story or poem more than might be warranted because we know the history behind the work; after all, we may have sat through a writing workshop, where our friend revealed how, in real life, her hamster was cooked in the microwave by her psycho younger brother who later became a mass murderer. That kind of detailed background is going to affect the lens through which we view that friend's story or poem.
.
Publishing friends' work is okay if no money is involved (for example, submission fees); if I own a magazine and do not accept outside funding, then I should be able to publish anyone I want: friend, stranger, or even foe. When money is involved, publishing friends is a problem, if only of perception, which is why sites like have Foetry sprung up. But I'm not going to harp on that here. I just want to show the difference between selecting a friend's work in a magazine that one owns and edits and awarding a prize to friend in a fee-based contest.
.
I still think that selecting the top work serves a publication best, but I can also understand how an owner/editor might slip on the slippery slope and publish mediocre work by a friend. Had I done so those many years ago, I might still be in contact with some of those former friends. But then they weren't really friends, were they?
.
Which brings me to my third topic: I'm thinking of starting an online magazine called Writer! Writer! I own the domain WriterWriter.com (currently on a parking page). Possible focus: creative works about writing, creative and otherwise. I'm still in the thinking stage, however, and I have a lot of loose ends to tie up before embarking on another project.
.
I will say this: if I do embark on this venture, I will probably end up publishing the work of friends, especially at the beginning, but not at the exclusion of other fine work. So if you don't "know" me, you will be assured that I'll read your work with an open mind. In the end, I'll select work I like, no matter who you are.
.
And I will not be conducting any writing contests at all.
.
Best,
.
Jennifer

Grammatical Alert

I don't think Bugzita will object to my sharing a resource that may or not be useful for poets, but is reassuring to writers of other stripes and to readers (and aren't we the most important, rally?)

http://www.apostropheabuse.com/

I have posted about a related site on my Grace Paley blog,

I Dreamed I Saw Grace P. Last Night.
http://neverdied.blogspot.com/

Please visit and comment without apostrophe anxiety.

A Post Foetry Baby!

An important announcement by team member Matt:

Jonas was born [January 2] in the midwife center in Pittsburgh, so we were in and out in less than 12 hours.

Christy is doing pretty well, but wishes she didn't have to go through any recovery at all (she was in denial the first few days and pushed herself a little too much).

The day after he was born, Jonas weighed 7 lbs. 4 ounces at the pediatrician and five days later was up to 7 lbs. 11 ounces. So he is eating well and gaining weight. His nights have been pretty good so far, too. Christy is breastfeeding, so it's been easy on me.

[Big brother] Leo continues to like his new brother and has shown no resentment or jealousy. We've had to tell him not to jump on the bed next to Jonas a number of times. That's about it. He's been appropriately gentle and very affectionate.

I'm back at work as of today (getting caught up). Haven't been able to do any writing for weeks . . . but hopefully that will change with going back to work (I never get a chance to write when I'm at home) Hope you are all well.

Yours,

Matt

GUEST POET: Writer's Guidelines (Courtney Druz)

Writer's Guidelines

No pornographic or religious verse,
no nature writing; we prefer no rhyme,
no Hallmark stuff—but Sci-Fi’s even worse.

Cover letters: businesslike and terse.
Send three to five submissions at a time;
no pornographic or religious verse.

So, don’t tell that one about the nurse,
or mention God. Subvert the paradigm!
No Hallmark stuff, but Sci-Fi’s even worse.

Buy a subscription; really, you could do worse.
Emerging writers show up all the time.
No pornographic or religious verse—

sex is okay; be cautious with a curse.
Critical trend awareness is sublime.
No Hallmark stuff, but Sci-Fi’s even worse.

Contest winners receive a modest purse.
Just write from the heart and you’ll be sure to climb.
No pornographic or religious verse,
no Hallmark stuff; but Sci-Fi’s even worse.

___________________

A former architect and graphic designer, Courtney Druz now spends her time as a mother of two and poet in New Jersey.

Just hanging out...



The above is a stock photo plucked from my host's computer, but it's pretty. Skopje itself is shrouded in a smoky fog and not very appealing at the moment. I had forgotten how early it gets dark here.

We leave for the states next week, and school will start soon again. I like vacations, but I can't seem to stay away from work, especially with my domaining business. I'm forever connected, it seems, and I can't remember what it was like before the internet was invented by Al Gore...

Interesting perspective on the Iowa Caucus and New Hampshire Primary; Europeans are particularly fascinated by U.S. politics. I must admit that I was surprised when I woke up this morning and found out that Hillary Clinton had won New Hampshire. All the polls had it wrong, it seems.

I'm still on the fence politically--I'm definitely leaning toward the Democrat side because the last seven years have been a nightmare. I like Hillary's strength, but I also like Obama's fresh perspective. In the end, the issues will be the deciding factor.

Hollywood Hangover has posted a blurb about my memoir. If you were around back in the 1960's, this is a great site to visit, especially if you happened to be on the Hollywood Scene. You can literally spend hours on this site.

Must run for now.

Ciao i Priedno.

Bugzita

Greetings from Skopje, Macedonia

Jet lag. Different food. Great booze.

Wonderful friends and hosts who love us despite our quirky American ways.

I love the Balkans. My home away from home. I wish I could beam myself the 4,500 miles from Pennsylvania because I hate flying--it feels unnatural for bipeds.

Even so, airfare is fairly cheap and easy, even more so than last year at this time.

It's amazing, though, how small the world has become, especially with the internet. Back in 1989, when we lived here, we might as well lived on the moon; we lost an entire year of cultural literacy, and Macedonia was a republic of Yugoslavia and still very socialistic. Inflation was 100% a month. My husband was paid in dinars, though the amount was tied to the dollar, so by the end of our stay, his pay had to be stashed in a large bag. Now the denar (new currency) is stronger than the dollar. Go figure. Capitalism is the next big thing.

The Balkan war had not yet started, although the signs were becoming apparent: police searches, military planes flying overhead, the spot bombings in Croatia. An uneasy tension in the air.

Now CNN International is on cable, and we were able to follow the Iowa Caucus. I'm from Iowa, so this was an event of great interest. Also, CNN.com keeps us informed whenever we want. Skopje itself has become very Western and somewhat trendy and overrun with foreigners.

In 1989, Skopje was anything but trendy; five known Americans lived here (we were two of them and Philip Wright, Director of the American Center, was the third). There was a suspected American living in the hills somewhere, but we never met him. Hardly anyone spoke English, and now English is spoken everywhere.

Once, we did get CNN on cable TV, but only for a week or so (perhaps pirated). For about a month, we did get Days of Our Lives, subtitled in Macedonian, but then it, too, disappeared. When the United jet crashed in Sioux City, I read about it in Vecher in Cyrillic because that's where we got our news. I read Macedonian at about a first grade level and understand some of the language. Forget about speaking it, though. I mostly trip over my own tongue.

There is something calming about the Balkans--my attitude changes. Things that bother me in the states seem silly here. My friend Lile tells me that when she crosses borders, she begins to think in the language of that country--she calls it "code shifting." Maybe I'm experiencing "cultural shifting."

Today, I bought a new coat and poncho. Nothing was cheap, but I needed a new coat due to a fatal zipper malfunction.

As you can see, I have nothing important to say today: no jokes or snark. I just wanted to keep in touch.

Happy New Year!

Best to all,

Bugzita